A Battle of the Ages

 POP POP

 

    I'm back Daniel fans,

 

    Looking for an affectionate term to refer to my small but devoted fan base. Daniel Nation? Danators? Little Dansters? Not a lot of things rhyme with Dan so I'm really grasping at straws.

 

Anyway, into the thick of it. It has come to my attention that we are a nation divided. Not by race, class, creed, or political views; we are divided by what we choose to ingest. This brings me to today's main topic, Lunchables.  I was having a friendly conversation with Rylee when she told me something that completely changed my perception of her. She said that the best Lunchables were either the pizza ones or the nacho ones. I would not blame you Brananders if you stopped reading now out of disgust.

 

    Lets address my main point first. Lunchables are bought and served cold. How could you possibly say the best option for a cold meal is pizza or nachos, the two premiere hot foods. Now I could hear an argument for pizza, but the nachos are completely out of the question. Its not even close to a meal. Its just shitty chips, cold cheese and like a snickers bar or something? You know what I don't even know let me do some quick sleuthing and come back. Okay so it also has some salsa, a Kit Kat and a fruit punch Capri Sun. If were being honest I think everyone is just coming back for the Capri Sun and the Kit Kat. I think I vaguely remember seeing somebody mixing the salsa with the nacho cheese and going at it. Fucking vile man. I bet they probably dip the Kit Kat in that mess, a bunch of freak nacho eaters. Back to the pizza, I understand that people eat pizza cold and even prefer it, but they don't eat the pizza completely fucking raw. Just bread with pizza sauce on it and fucking cold shredded cheese. You have to be at a low point in life to think that even resembles food. I remember I had the pizza Lunchable during my break at target because it seems like it has a significant following and I got fucking cheated. Completely wasted my break on that and I only ate the pepperoni because I'm not a dog that will eat anything sprayed with pork scent that put in front of me. The pizza one comes with a mystery Air Head and a Pacific Cooler Capri Sun. Now I won't lie those are some pretty fire supplemental items, but it doesn't mean anything if the meal to go along with it is absolute shit. Some of you may not be surprised that Ms. Gilbert shared Rylee's point of view. Now in Ashley's defense, she is vegetarian and can't really have any of the other options Lunchables has to offer. But also, I don't think Ashley has a single brain cell left and can suck on a fucking lemon if she feels that way.

 

Now some of you may be wondering, "Dan you seem so wise on this subject, I would love to have your ideas guide me in my next Lunchable purchase." To that I would say, what a wise individual you are yourself for seeking out my advice, and also of course it's the ham and cheese Lunchable. Absolutely elite lineup of items. Very tasty ham, perfectly salty. A succulent, buttery Ritz cracker, honestly some very mediocre cheese, but it is all tied together by a yummy Chips Ahoy cookie and a fruit punch Capri Sun. So fucking good. If that shit came with a Reese's cup and a Pacific Cooler it would be game over.

I'm not even going to touch Lunchly I think that shit would kill a toddler.

 There will be a future blog post soon because the three dumbest people in the Journalism department are talking about the Vietnam War right now. Stay tuned for more Little Daniels. Also Rylee dropped my cards down 3 flights of stairs the other day so that will be included in good time.

 

PLEASE COMMENT YOUR OPINIONS ON THE GREAT LUNCHABLE DEBOCLE

 

Feeling: Frustrated 😤

 

P.S Mira's mom I'm sorry if you did not appreciate my previous comment. I hate to Ostracize any Daniel Heads